To Settle....or not to Settle?

I guess that you can say that I’m at the age where most of my friends are starting to get married and have children. Actually, most of my friends are married, and I can truly say that ALL of them have married “well,” meaning that they married good guys that respect, honor and cherish them…and they feel the same way about their husbands, which is what I think it should be about anyway. I’m proud that they found true love, because it is extremely difficult to find. Does it bother me that I’m still single? At this point, not really. The only time that it gets to me right now is when I go somewhere that bringing your man is a priority (couples’ night, a double date, weddings, etc). Right now I know that I’m a work in progress. When I am ready to be married, I want to have my shit together. Basically, I want to be a bonus to my man…he has to be sufficient on his own (just like I will be) – so when we come together, we will be a hell of a unit! In my mind, the two “whole” people come together to become a united team, not two single people that need each other to be complete (hope that makes sense – to me, the word “single” used in this context implies that both people are deficient until they come together). I don’t want to be a detriment to my man; so with that being said, I will continue to work on improving myself so that when Mr. Right comes, I will be ready…I expect him to have the same mindset. We need to be two loving people who grow together.

I have some other friends who are single as well, and for some of them, being married is all they focused on, sometimes to their detriment. They want to be married so bad that they are overlooking what they used to considered “deal-breakers” in order to be with someone. To me, this is called SETTLING.

SETTLING SUCKS. PERIOD.

When you settle, you cheat yourself out of so much, One of my friends said she was staying with her man because she didn’t want to be alone, and he loves her more than she loves him. Never mind the fact that he refuses to let her meet his family and they’ve been together for almost 9 months. WTFITBS? To me, this is just a waste of her time…and his. Why hold on to this – when both can go out and find someone that can love and appreciate them for who they are. I think this is so selfish …I guess I’ll never understand it. My other friend has wanted to get married to her guy for years (they’ve been together for about 6 years). She moved hours away from her family to be with him, and still no ring. She just had a baby, and you guessed it – still no ring. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like her guy, he is cool people, but I don’t think he’s ready for marriage yet…so my question is why do you function like a married couple? Why get married if there is no incentive to change because things won’t be different? I hate seeing my friend wait, and wait, and wait for an engagement ring. I hate seeing her settle for this type of behavior even more. She is such a smart, beautiful, talented woman…and I think that if her guy won’t put a ring on it (no matter how much I think he is a cool dude), then she needs to leave and find someone who will step to the plate and be the man that she is looking for.

NEVER SETTLE.
While growing up, I was always the tomboy…All of my female cousins were older than I was and I didn’t really have any female friends until I started going to school. So all I did was hang around guys…my cousins and brothers that would actually put up with me…lol…I took more than my fair share of lumps, and when I complained to my father he would tell me to give it right back to them. He told me to demand respect; NEVER SETTLE for poor treatment or what you don’t like because you’ll always come up short for something that you need. I’ve kept this philosophy throughout my life, but the one burning question that I have: Is not settling considered being too picky? I’m not sure (I’m pretty sure people will debate this). Are you willing to get less of what you require just to have something?

Settling can tie you down and the right person could pass you by (what a gamble, huh?). Are those odds in your favor? Will the idea of not settling rule out a good man (or woman, whatever your preference is :)!) Like I said before, my dad taught me not to settle, and I use this philosophy in my life – every aspect, especially in my love life. Now don’t get me wrong, I have settled (once with a habitual cheater, the other with a guy who can be VERY verbally abusive) before in relationships, but I got out of them with the hope that something better for me would come along. But sometimes I wonder if my thoughts on settling have made me miss out on something that could have been special. Only time will tell…

Playlist
• Tell Me if You Still Care – SOS Band
• Just Be Good to Me – SOS Band
• Watcha Gonna Do for Me – Chaka Khan
• El DeBarge – Love Me in a Special Way
• Alexander O’Neal & Cherelle – Saturday Love
• The Jacksons – Let Me Show You the Way to Go