I Don’t Wanna Be Your STAN…

I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while.  This spring, I got reacquainted with a gentleman that I knew from WAY back in the day.  Let’s call him…Pierre (not his real name).  Pierre was cute in junior high & high school – now fast-forward about 11 years.  Homey put on about a good 30 pounds of muscle, got some facial hair – basically good got better!  LOL!  He is the IBM (Ideal Black Man) – no kids, good job, educated, good looking, spiritual…the list goes on and on…We visited each other (which was hard because he lives out of state).  We went out on a few dates.  We talked all the time.  So…you might ask, what was the problem?  I felt that the brother wanted me to be a STAN.  What is a STAN?  It basically means that you are a STAND-IN until something better comes along for that person.

The signs didn’t hit me all at once.  They were very gradual.  He always asked me for advice – very needy.  But that wasn’t a problem for me.  The issue was that it was situations about what he should do in particular situations.  Second sign – I called him on more than one occasion and he was actually out on a date! (Yes, I know….I can’t believe it either!)  But that didn’t matter to me either (yep…getting REAL stupid here, I know!)  because he and I were NOT in a committed relationship with each other…so it wasn’t exactly like he was cheating on me.

The last straw was his lack of wanting to be in a relationship.  I asked him a couple of times about where did he see us going, and he couldn’t give me a straight answer.  I heard everything from he needed to work on himself…to he needed to resolve some crazy issues with his estranged father…in short, he sounded like a politician.  That’s when I knew that it was time for me to ride out. (Thanks, Steve Harvey!)  Ladies…get that book!  Also, check out The Conversation by Hill Harper...

I refuse to be a STAN any longer.  Why do people put in the time with another person when they know being in a relationship isn’t what they want?  You’re not gonna get the benefits of being in a relationship with me without BEING with me.  Why?  So I can prepare you for the next chick that comes along?  Naw bruh…I’m sorry, but I can’t be your STAN any longer.  Be well, and I hope you find what you are looking for because that’s what I intend on doing…

P.S.  On a side note, I told my best friend Felise (not her real name) that Pierre probably has a girlfriend by now…and wouldn’t you know…He called me and told me so…Best of luck to you Pierre…